“Once, in the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible spring. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
Albert Camus from “The Stranger” 1942
Hello dearies! Do you ever feel stuck in the midst of an endless winter? I came across this quote once upon a wintertime in Sweden and I’m sharing my personal journey of how I found within myself, an invincible spring, in hopes of helping others who may feel the same. I’ve previously shared my S.A.D. story (seasonal affective disorder) but this goes a bit further into that transition from winter to spring which I think can sometimes be the most challenging part.
Shortly after our wedding, Jonas & I moved to Sweden together in December 2012 and it turned out to be the longest and coldest winter on record for many years. It didn’t take long for the snow to lose it’s magic to me and I even started to despise it. Every time it started to melt and I would get a glimmer of hope that spring was coming, then the next day I would awake only to look out the window to a fresh blanket of snow and the process started all over again. It was a very emotional and mental experience for me, something I had never gone through or ever had to face before.Seasonal depression became a real demon to me and the days of darkness were blinding to my mind. I honestly can’t even recall what I did for those 5 long months of winter until Jonas & I went on a trip to CA for a friend’s wedding.
We left Sweden when the snow had just started to melt and came back to a full blown summer! In just a few short weeks, I had completed missed springtime! The following winter couldn’t have been more different than the last, only a few major snowfalls that melted quickly and spring came quite early! This has been my first “real” spring in Sweden and it was very intriguing seeing the first signs of spring that I totally missed the year prior.
Growing up in California, there are flowers blooming all year ’round so this was a magical experience to me, seeing mother nature unfurl her flowers and bit by bit, the earth turned green again. Snow drops and crocus were the first flowers to appear followed by wood anemones, iris, daffodils, tulips, and lily of the valley.
I see so much wisdom now in the full quote above that I would have never understood unless I had gone through it myself. It was one of the darkest times of my life in more ways than one but it did teach me how to find within myself an invincible spring.
I had to reach deep inside myself and feel the spring breeze, smell the blooming flowers, and hear the birds singing. In fact, I had to learn how to keep a piece of that invincible spring inside all year round for I believe it is important to always keep an open and blooming disposition. I feel like I became my own snowdrop flower, so delicate to look at but the first spring flowers to appear and even push up through the snow. So like in Camus’ quote, when winter was pushing me down hard, I had to find the will power and strength in me to push back in my darkest times. Then, just like a snowdrop flower, to push up through the snow and declare that I found within myself an invincible spring.
I hope you enjoyed the retelling of this old photo series. I was inspired by Irish folk music and the awakening of spring when I created the headpiece, used muted neutral toned flowers on the sides to reflect how the transition between winter and spring when the forest is muted. Jonas painted the Celtic symbols on my face. The different shades of green candles are representative to me of the coming of spring.
My favorite part of the photos is the reindeer moss I’m lying on. It was so perfect that we found this spot because I used some of the same kind of lichen that I gathered on the top of my headpiece and I love how my head blends into the bed of moss. I can’t even tell you how chilly it was to take these photos though!
So my kindred spirits, here we are on the vernal equinox. The day where light & dark are equal so it will only get brighter and warmer from here. Tell me in the comments, have you faced a similar experience? Blessed 1st day of spring! Bye For Now,
-Lindsay Dianne
P.S. A few extra springtime photos + video from our 1st blog; as you can see we enjoyed dressing up like elves/fairies and taking photos in the Swedish forest!
